A Role to Happiness

I have had a lot of conversations with my close friends about me taking care of my man. My man will never have to worry about his laundry, cooking or cleaning. The house will always be taken care of. And not only because I enjoy it, but because that is what my role is to be. There are man and woman roles and it gives me happiness to respect our traditional roles. But, my man better be able to get his ass off the couch and take the trash out, carry the heavy stuff for me and haul wood and hunt. Traditionally, the roles were respected, in our Native culture and when I think about it. The woman’s role has not changed. The cooking fire may now be electric or gas but the men, no longer have to hunt since the creation of the grocery store. Men’s roles have had the biggest adjustment. And in MY opinion, the man’s role has diminished to almost nothing and it has caused huge problems in our Native society. The boys do drugs and join gangs because what is their role? What are they to be doing? And what did their father’s do? And don’t get me started on how the rise of gay men in the Native world is. (No judgment but is it because woman have stronger roles now???) I understand that girls do drugs and join gangs and I am being somewhat obtuse but…still. I am not placing blame, but I think that in order for me to be happy, I need a MAN. A friend of mine recently said that she wasn’t interested in this guy because he was just not man enough. He was so nice to her and was in adoration of her but in reality, his role just did not add anything to her life.

I feel comfortable hauling wood and fishing and being physical especially on the reservation is something that I enjoy, I am not afraid of hardwork and yet I believe a majority of men are today. I am not looking for strict roles but I do believe that males and females if they each have roles in this life; we would all be much happier as Native peoples. If men had their roles restored, our culture could be even more successful.

I have struggled with this problem. And I am not sure what the solution is. My mother went to church one morning and the minister spoke about a couple, that the man was being so quiet now in the past few years and the woman was feeling unhappy. There was no interaction and no communication in the relationship anymore. The minister than stated, maybe he was getting in touch with his feminist side. WHAT? Being quiet is a woman thing? I am shocked. Navajo woman certainly are not. And Native woman in general are not. We are vocal. And, vocal is not a wrong way to be and yet woman are now being quiet about their unhappiness with men now. I don’t want to be a single mother but in reality, what are my options? I want to have children and yet, I don’t want to take care of a man, that won’t take care of me and our family. There are only a very few times that I remember my father sitting on the couch. And it was usually on holidays when us girls were opening presents for Christmas or hunting eggs on Easter. My father worked hard for us. A man like my father is impossible to find. A man that works constantly for not only our family but our people. My father did not go to school just to have a Dr. before his name but because with Dr. he could earn the respect from the white world in order to compete to gain success for our tribe.

Someone once told me that my problem was that I was looking for someone like my father. I can see that as an excuse that a guy would say and it was a guy that said it. It is an excuse. I have dated men that are the exact opposite of my father also and was never happy. I have given everyone an equal chance and I know that I would be happiest with someone that truly represented the traditional male role. A successful relationship is one of sharing and respect of each other's roles, I believe.

My uncle recently spoke of how he went to a laundry mat on the reservation, and a Navajo husband and wife arrived there at the same time. The wife started carrying the bags of laundry and the man sat on the bench outside watching her. What THE F?! My uncle went and finished helping her carry THEIR laundry in. The husband made no move to assist and maybe he was ill or injured but there was no evidence to that effect. That is my problem with Native men today. It is a perfect example of what Native woman are left with. I would rather be single than have my man sit on a bench watch me carrying shit. I need a man of action. And that is what our traditional Native men’s role is. I know that there are Native men out there that are hardworking. I do know. But, I have yet to find one for myself.

P.S. and no, I will not date someone that is non-native. It is very important to me to carry on my culture and share that with my husband and children.