"...states that the Navajo are disconnected and separated by chain link fences and it is not the Navajo Way. We are a social, connected people and we are denying our ways, our blood and we cannot be successful in the European ways. We have the ingredients to be successful but we deny it. We need to not redefine ourselves but rediscover ourselves.
White American Values: We see the problems in the Navajo Nation. All Indigenous peoples have an attempt in language revitalization; need to stop switching to English. Schools are now the home to teach the language. Navajo has always been diverse and always have been a challenge to unify.
Indigenous peoples have adopted other ways and have inherited more problems. We have instilled the idea in ourselves as a people that the “white” way is better and we are still struggling to adapt to their government."
Thoughts to think about...
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
For Why?
The other night, I had a change of plans and ended up at an event that I hadn’t planned on. It was exactly where I was to be. There was this little boy, who sat behind me and became someone that gave my heart a warming, it desperately needed. I was disappointed in a guy, once again. At this game, M gave me his age right away. Counting from one to four on his fingers; to visually show me. And, it was lovely not to have to give my number! M then, stood behind me and played with my hair. I can’t remember the last time I let someone touch my hair…and yet, it was just the thing I needed to calm my inner, invisible tears. M then came up and told the woman next to me to move and once she did, proceeded to take her seat. M told me about his pet monkey and during his story, I asked “for why?” This little white boy looked so confused! What were the words I just spoke?! What does “for why?” mean? I had to giggle at his confusion of native (Navajo?) lingo. And, then “for why” made me think of another time I giggled at the same question. I miss “Mittens” and not for any other reason than I miss him making me smile….the night continued with us singing to SpongeBob Squarepants! SpongeBob Squarepants!! M was getting tired and fell asleep on the big foam finger with me rubbing his back. That is the point, I realized that I would make a great mom, and that suddenly became a real dream of mine. A few moments later, it was time to leave. M waited for me holding out his hand, as if it was the most natural thing. I asked if he was gonna take care of me, crossing the road and his reply was, “No you are taking care of me.” Duh, typical male response! But, it was just so adorable. I do need to take care of someone, it is time. M asked if I could come home with him, there was room in his car. I said, “I couldn’t.” and yet, he kept stating, that is how it should be. M wanted to know where my car was, he wanted to see it. I was like, man, this kid is gonna be a heartbreaker, oh wait, he already was. Mine was in pieces! I got the best hand holding, ever. The last time my hand was held, it came with rejection soon after….and M gave me, just what I needed….to hold my hand and a hug with nothing but affection mixed with adoration…it was the best. M, gave me a glimpse that what I deserve, can be a reality.
Father's Borkum Riff
There is always that certain song, that certain smell that takes you back to a memory. The smell of my dad’s certain tobacco, trips me back, with my eyes tearing up. There is this place in my soul that is protected by his tobacco, for all of my life. I carry it with me everywhere, never go without it. In Wisconsin, there is no sage or corn pollen but tobacco and cedar. My dad would smoke a pipe with Borkum Riff tobacco and that smell of tobacco is something that will never leave me. His home, our home on the rez would smell of his scent that was of tobacco. In my homes, I would burn our cedar with the tobacco. And pray. My father would protect from all those many miles away. I would open my post office box to an envelope of our cedar back home. Still fresh and soft.
My dad and I would go fishing together and the first thing before all else would be to light his pipe. The smoke would keep the mosquitoes and gnats away from his face while we were out on the lake or river. We would go night fishing, my favorite and I could always see his pipe burning and the scent, and I would never lose him in the night. There was always loose tobacco in our fishing basket to bless the fish, and we would always spread tobacco in the river before and after we fished, thanking the river. Tobacco is my thanks, for everything today.
There is something about this scent, that when I was in the parking lot yesterday and smelled his favorite tobacco, I was suddenly back on the rez, in our trailer, warm and protected surrounded by my forest. We are one of the few tribes that are lucky enough to have our reservation where we resided before the white man came. I know that my ancestors are out there, protecting my family and I. I know that I have to be away from my land in order to help my people and the tobacco, makes it possible. All the miles that are between me and my land, are hard but tobacco is always on my journey with me to be my land away from home.
I can relate to a plant, a plant for protection, a plant for wellbeing, a plant for happiness, and for that I am blessed.
My dad and I would go fishing together and the first thing before all else would be to light his pipe. The smoke would keep the mosquitoes and gnats away from his face while we were out on the lake or river. We would go night fishing, my favorite and I could always see his pipe burning and the scent, and I would never lose him in the night. There was always loose tobacco in our fishing basket to bless the fish, and we would always spread tobacco in the river before and after we fished, thanking the river. Tobacco is my thanks, for everything today.
There is something about this scent, that when I was in the parking lot yesterday and smelled his favorite tobacco, I was suddenly back on the rez, in our trailer, warm and protected surrounded by my forest. We are one of the few tribes that are lucky enough to have our reservation where we resided before the white man came. I know that my ancestors are out there, protecting my family and I. I know that I have to be away from my land in order to help my people and the tobacco, makes it possible. All the miles that are between me and my land, are hard but tobacco is always on my journey with me to be my land away from home.
I can relate to a plant, a plant for protection, a plant for wellbeing, a plant for happiness, and for that I am blessed.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Change Me Not
I have been in a few serious relationships in my life. And in each one, it has been a “disagreement “of if we happened to marry would I change my last name and the answer is no. I believe that two of my boyfriends, because I wouldn’t, didn’t want to marry me. I know that there were other reasons but that was a major reason. I find it incredibly retarded since it was never our tradition as Native people. My father did not wear a wedding ring, it was not our tradition. My mother did not change her name, it was not our tradition.
I can see myself possibly after ten years of marriage; adding his name to mine but right away? Uh, no. I am one of three daughters of my father. My name is ending with me. There are no sons. W--- is an endangered name. There are very few of us left. I am my name and I would not change it for something that is not our custom to do. Maybe, I would be more inclined if my last name was popular and more people had it?
I had a discussion with someone that said that he would not wear a wedding ring but would want me to change my name. He was Navajo and believed in Navajo tradition but also wanted his wife to have his name although it is not a Navajo way. I can somewhat understand that it is easier for the children but when people noticed that my mother’s name was different than mine, I was proud. You go, Momma, represent that Navajo last name! That is who she was! If I was to change my name, I would add my mother’s.
This is a huge issue that I deal with as a Native Woman and one that I believe that I shouldn’t have to. My father was a strong enough man that he did not have to have his wife have his name. And I wonder why it is now important to our Native men to follow a white man’s way? I have done research on each of my tribes and none of them speak of a last name change. I cannot speak for other tribes. W--- was our family name for so many generations and it gives me the strength of my family, everyday. I understand the need for the man to “claim” me with overriding my last name with his, but not enough to participate in something that is not mine.
If changing my name, gave promise of a life of happiness forever with the person I marry, then the practice would have more strength to sway me but it does not. Changing your name simply means you are giving up a part of you, that your husband fell in love with. It does not guarantee happiness.
I have always wondered though, if a man loved me enough to marry me without having to change my last name, but wanted it; would I love him enough to do it? I am not sure. W--- is my core being. It is my connection to my family, my reservation, my soul, my ancestors. I hope that I meet a man someday that loves me and respects my name and what it stands for and wouldn’t want to change me.
I can see myself possibly after ten years of marriage; adding his name to mine but right away? Uh, no. I am one of three daughters of my father. My name is ending with me. There are no sons. W--- is an endangered name. There are very few of us left. I am my name and I would not change it for something that is not our custom to do. Maybe, I would be more inclined if my last name was popular and more people had it?
I had a discussion with someone that said that he would not wear a wedding ring but would want me to change my name. He was Navajo and believed in Navajo tradition but also wanted his wife to have his name although it is not a Navajo way. I can somewhat understand that it is easier for the children but when people noticed that my mother’s name was different than mine, I was proud. You go, Momma, represent that Navajo last name! That is who she was! If I was to change my name, I would add my mother’s.
This is a huge issue that I deal with as a Native Woman and one that I believe that I shouldn’t have to. My father was a strong enough man that he did not have to have his wife have his name. And I wonder why it is now important to our Native men to follow a white man’s way? I have done research on each of my tribes and none of them speak of a last name change. I cannot speak for other tribes. W--- was our family name for so many generations and it gives me the strength of my family, everyday. I understand the need for the man to “claim” me with overriding my last name with his, but not enough to participate in something that is not mine.
If changing my name, gave promise of a life of happiness forever with the person I marry, then the practice would have more strength to sway me but it does not. Changing your name simply means you are giving up a part of you, that your husband fell in love with. It does not guarantee happiness.
I have always wondered though, if a man loved me enough to marry me without having to change my last name, but wanted it; would I love him enough to do it? I am not sure. W--- is my core being. It is my connection to my family, my reservation, my soul, my ancestors. I hope that I meet a man someday that loves me and respects my name and what it stands for and wouldn’t want to change me.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Talkin' Indian
“We are all Indians, sitting in a circle, talkin' Indian.”
I believe that all Natives speak Indian regardless if they know their language or not. And that language is laughter.
I believe the “talking Indian” is laughter. We are a happy, social people and now I feel we are losing it more and more each year. From my own experience, we, as a people are feeling more comfortable staying home rather than surrounded by our people. Children are now happier on the internet and playing video games instead of being outside with friends. I know that this is an issue that society as a whole is dealing struggling with also but I believe it is more harmful to Native children than other cultures. Native culture is very social and children are raised within the community. And with our elders, they are getting addicted to television and casinos and why is that our oldest tradition of our elders taking care of our children is disappearing? There is constant talk of a revolution for our people and I think there needs to be a cultural revolution within ourselves. If we could start the smallest connection between our elders and our children, I believe that there will laughter to overtake the alcohol and poverty.
I don’t speak either of my languages and I have been judged by many. I hate having to defend myself especially to other Natives. People say that I think like an urban Indian when I say that we are all one regardless if we speak our language or not. But, I believe that it is true. We are a people that can connect because we all speak the same language of laughter.
A few years ago at D--- College, there was a dispute between the light skinned Natives and the dark skinned Natives. They were both against each other stating that the other was not really Native. The light skinned Natives stated that because they knew the language that they were Native and the dark skinned Natives stated that because they had the blood that they were Native. I have been in the situation were Navajos tell me that I am not Navajo because I cannot speak the language. (and each time, they were educated Navajos on college campuses) I never argued but said that I believe I am and that is all that matters.
I believe this argument is seriously silly and a waste of our Native energy. It is giving the white man even more power in this generation. The white man wanted us to fight amongst ourselves and we are giving into their desire. We need Natives, proud to be Natives and regardless if they speak the language or not. The ones that are able to speak the language should be teaching the others instead of judging them for not being able to! It is sad that this is happening at our college levels; where the most intellectual Natives reside. We should be smarter than that, to have our resources wasted on each other.
My mother speaks of when she was first in college and because she was Southwest Native in a Woodland Native dominated college, they completely ignored her. Only when she got to her Master’s program on a different campus, there was equality. I know that we all have our differences between tribes and different characteristics but we have to be accepting and smarter than our enemy. The white man’s objective of killing the injuns off will continue in this day if we dispute amongst ourselves. Be proud, accept and laugh. Laughter is the language we all speak.
I believe that all Natives speak Indian regardless if they know their language or not. And that language is laughter.
I believe the “talking Indian” is laughter. We are a happy, social people and now I feel we are losing it more and more each year. From my own experience, we, as a people are feeling more comfortable staying home rather than surrounded by our people. Children are now happier on the internet and playing video games instead of being outside with friends. I know that this is an issue that society as a whole is dealing struggling with also but I believe it is more harmful to Native children than other cultures. Native culture is very social and children are raised within the community. And with our elders, they are getting addicted to television and casinos and why is that our oldest tradition of our elders taking care of our children is disappearing? There is constant talk of a revolution for our people and I think there needs to be a cultural revolution within ourselves. If we could start the smallest connection between our elders and our children, I believe that there will laughter to overtake the alcohol and poverty.
I don’t speak either of my languages and I have been judged by many. I hate having to defend myself especially to other Natives. People say that I think like an urban Indian when I say that we are all one regardless if we speak our language or not. But, I believe that it is true. We are a people that can connect because we all speak the same language of laughter.
A few years ago at D--- College, there was a dispute between the light skinned Natives and the dark skinned Natives. They were both against each other stating that the other was not really Native. The light skinned Natives stated that because they knew the language that they were Native and the dark skinned Natives stated that because they had the blood that they were Native. I have been in the situation were Navajos tell me that I am not Navajo because I cannot speak the language. (and each time, they were educated Navajos on college campuses) I never argued but said that I believe I am and that is all that matters.
I believe this argument is seriously silly and a waste of our Native energy. It is giving the white man even more power in this generation. The white man wanted us to fight amongst ourselves and we are giving into their desire. We need Natives, proud to be Natives and regardless if they speak the language or not. The ones that are able to speak the language should be teaching the others instead of judging them for not being able to! It is sad that this is happening at our college levels; where the most intellectual Natives reside. We should be smarter than that, to have our resources wasted on each other.
My mother speaks of when she was first in college and because she was Southwest Native in a Woodland Native dominated college, they completely ignored her. Only when she got to her Master’s program on a different campus, there was equality. I know that we all have our differences between tribes and different characteristics but we have to be accepting and smarter than our enemy. The white man’s objective of killing the injuns off will continue in this day if we dispute amongst ourselves. Be proud, accept and laugh. Laughter is the language we all speak.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
To Reflect
I had a dream last night that keeps coming back to me today. It was of a friend of mine, if you could call him that. I was lost in his apartment building and he kept bringing up a time when I made a mistake. I have decided to start a blog to help me to discover...more about myself and my culture and how the two connect. For some reason, this friend, keeps coming to me in my dreams. It seems when I am feeling lost or confused, he visits. This is my an attempt to share my own native reflection and create a positive path for myself and possibly you...to share is to create a connection and connection creates harmony.
To Reflect: to prevent passage of and cause to change direction, to throw back light or sound, to think quietly and calmly, to express a thought or opinion, to tend to bring reproach or discredit, to bring about a specified appearance or characterization, to have a bearing or influence.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Bye, Bye 2008
Bye, Bye 2008!
2008 was my most transformational year. I have grown so much and come to understand myself and my future more than I have ever had. The beginning of this year, started off in a relationship that was not meant to be. It was a sad but I had to move on. My graduation was in April and it was a nice day. My sister, A--- and my brother, J--- were not there and that was hard. My aunt and cousin came all the way from WI to surprise me and that was the greatest moment of 2008. It was a weird experience though, to walk when I was not completely done with school. I changed my major to Humanities and it was the greatest thing I could do. I was in History and even though it was a favorite subject of mine, it was not where I was meant to be. I was a mentor in a minority science and math camp again this year and that is when I fully realized that I my future lies with helping kids, to receive a better, brighter future. Later, this past summer I went to a conference where I met other Native students and it was so good to be surrounded by people that shared my same outlook for our future. It is hard sometimes, living every day feeling that you are the only one concerned about our future; as Natives. Recently, I was again questioning how do I really know that I am Navajo or Menominee? I don't speak, I don't live. Or so I am told. But, when it comes down to it; my ancestors who I pray to, understand me no matter what language I speak. I live Navajo and Menominee; but just off the reservation. My woods and my desert are always in my heart and that is what matters. Regardless, if I know WHY: I wear turquoise or why I let elders eat first..or why….me is me and that is Navajo and Menominee.
My life has changed so much this last year. I have the greatest friends, I have ever had and I am so thankful for them. I am so glad to have met my friend A--- and have my friend S--- in my life. A--- doesn't judge but makes me laugh. S--- is always there for me; no matter the time of day. My friends are so beautiful and I love them!! : D One person came into my life this year and then left but made an imprint on my heart and future that will last forever. I took chances that I would have never done before because of him. I took off to Oklahoma, with no money and no air conditioning in the middle of June. It was an experience. To say the least. I learned a lot about myself in that weekend. Also, when I went to Los Angeles; it was so perfect. Good people and good hearts. I am so happy to have met B---and W---. The best time of my year was spent on the beach.
I also had one of the hardest times in my life in my trip to Phoenix. I really don't care for the city and what happened there. I learned the meaning of "friends". I regret that trip more than anything and yet, it had to happen for me to KNOW. Learning and growing was never so hard for me. It was hurtful and still is. I will have a scar from Phx for a long time but it has already healed and is starting to fade.
I have graduated from college; it took ten years. I NEVER thought it would happen. And it did. So, that leaves me with my next goal. To work in social services with Native kids who need my help. I found a great volunteer position that has me go to the treatment center here in Abq that provides sweats, drum groups and arts to the Native kids that are there. I am so hopeful of my future now. I am with my sisters and mom and things could not be any better.
I wish all those who are in my life, the greatest ending to 2008 and the best beginning to 2009.
I am thankful and blessed for you all this year.
2008 was my most transformational year. I have grown so much and come to understand myself and my future more than I have ever had. The beginning of this year, started off in a relationship that was not meant to be. It was a sad but I had to move on. My graduation was in April and it was a nice day. My sister, A--- and my brother, J--- were not there and that was hard. My aunt and cousin came all the way from WI to surprise me and that was the greatest moment of 2008. It was a weird experience though, to walk when I was not completely done with school. I changed my major to Humanities and it was the greatest thing I could do. I was in History and even though it was a favorite subject of mine, it was not where I was meant to be. I was a mentor in a minority science and math camp again this year and that is when I fully realized that I my future lies with helping kids, to receive a better, brighter future. Later, this past summer I went to a conference where I met other Native students and it was so good to be surrounded by people that shared my same outlook for our future. It is hard sometimes, living every day feeling that you are the only one concerned about our future; as Natives. Recently, I was again questioning how do I really know that I am Navajo or Menominee? I don't speak, I don't live. Or so I am told. But, when it comes down to it; my ancestors who I pray to, understand me no matter what language I speak. I live Navajo and Menominee; but just off the reservation. My woods and my desert are always in my heart and that is what matters. Regardless, if I know WHY: I wear turquoise or why I let elders eat first..or why….me is me and that is Navajo and Menominee.
My life has changed so much this last year. I have the greatest friends, I have ever had and I am so thankful for them. I am so glad to have met my friend A--- and have my friend S--- in my life. A--- doesn't judge but makes me laugh. S--- is always there for me; no matter the time of day. My friends are so beautiful and I love them!! : D One person came into my life this year and then left but made an imprint on my heart and future that will last forever. I took chances that I would have never done before because of him. I took off to Oklahoma, with no money and no air conditioning in the middle of June. It was an experience. To say the least. I learned a lot about myself in that weekend. Also, when I went to Los Angeles; it was so perfect. Good people and good hearts. I am so happy to have met B---and W---. The best time of my year was spent on the beach.
I also had one of the hardest times in my life in my trip to Phoenix. I really don't care for the city and what happened there. I learned the meaning of "friends". I regret that trip more than anything and yet, it had to happen for me to KNOW. Learning and growing was never so hard for me. It was hurtful and still is. I will have a scar from Phx for a long time but it has already healed and is starting to fade.
I have graduated from college; it took ten years. I NEVER thought it would happen. And it did. So, that leaves me with my next goal. To work in social services with Native kids who need my help. I found a great volunteer position that has me go to the treatment center here in Abq that provides sweats, drum groups and arts to the Native kids that are there. I am so hopeful of my future now. I am with my sisters and mom and things could not be any better.
I wish all those who are in my life, the greatest ending to 2008 and the best beginning to 2009.
I am thankful and blessed for you all this year.
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