For Why?

The other night, I had a change of plans and ended up at an event that I hadn’t planned on. It was exactly where I was to be. There was this little boy, who sat behind me and became someone that gave my heart a warming, it desperately needed. I was disappointed in a guy, once again. At this game, M gave me his age right away. Counting from one to four on his fingers; to visually show me. And, it was lovely not to have to give my number! M then, stood behind me and played with my hair. I can’t remember the last time I let someone touch my hair…and yet, it was just the thing I needed to calm my inner, invisible tears. M then came up and told the woman next to me to move and once she did, proceeded to take her seat. M told me about his pet monkey and during his story, I asked “for why?” This little white boy looked so confused! What were the words I just spoke?! What does “for why?” mean? I had to giggle at his confusion of native (Navajo?) lingo. And, then “for why” made me think of another time I giggled at the same question. I miss “Mittens” and not for any other reason than I miss him making me smile….the night continued with us singing to SpongeBob Squarepants! SpongeBob Squarepants!! M was getting tired and fell asleep on the big foam finger with me rubbing his back. That is the point, I realized that I would make a great mom, and that suddenly became a real dream of mine. A few moments later, it was time to leave. M waited for me holding out his hand, as if it was the most natural thing. I asked if he was gonna take care of me, crossing the road and his reply was, “No you are taking care of me.” Duh, typical male response! But, it was just so adorable. I do need to take care of someone, it is time. M asked if I could come home with him, there was room in his car. I said, “I couldn’t.” and yet, he kept stating, that is how it should be. M wanted to know where my car was, he wanted to see it. I was like, man, this kid is gonna be a heartbreaker, oh wait, he already was. Mine was in pieces! I got the best hand holding, ever. The last time my hand was held, it came with rejection soon after….and M gave me, just what I needed….to hold my hand and a hug with nothing but affection mixed with adoration…it was the best. M, gave me a glimpse that what I deserve, can be a reality.