Change Me Not

I have been in a few serious relationships in my life. And in each one, it has been a “disagreement “of if we happened to marry would I change my last name and the answer is no. I believe that two of my boyfriends, because I wouldn’t, didn’t want to marry me. I know that there were other reasons but that was a major reason. I find it incredibly retarded since it was never our tradition as Native people. My father did not wear a wedding ring, it was not our tradition. My mother did not change her name, it was not our tradition.
I can see myself possibly after ten years of marriage; adding his name to mine but right away? Uh, no. I am one of three daughters of my father. My name is ending with me. There are no sons. W--- is an endangered name. There are very few of us left. I am my name and I would not change it for something that is not our custom to do. Maybe, I would be more inclined if my last name was popular and more people had it?

I had a discussion with someone that said that he would not wear a wedding ring but would want me to change my name. He was Navajo and believed in Navajo tradition but also wanted his wife to have his name although it is not a Navajo way. I can somewhat understand that it is easier for the children but when people noticed that my mother’s name was different than mine, I was proud. You go, Momma, represent that Navajo last name! That is who she was! If I was to change my name, I would add my mother’s.

This is a huge issue that I deal with as a Native Woman and one that I believe that I shouldn’t have to. My father was a strong enough man that he did not have to have his wife have his name. And I wonder why it is now important to our Native men to follow a white man’s way? I have done research on each of my tribes and none of them speak of a last name change. I cannot speak for other tribes. W--- was our family name for so many generations and it gives me the strength of my family, everyday. I understand the need for the man to “claim” me with overriding my last name with his, but not enough to participate in something that is not mine.
If changing my name, gave promise of a life of happiness forever with the person I marry, then the practice would have more strength to sway me but it does not. Changing your name simply means you are giving up a part of you, that your husband fell in love with. It does not guarantee happiness.
I have always wondered though, if a man loved me enough to marry me without having to change my last name, but wanted it; would I love him enough to do it? I am not sure. W--- is my core being. It is my connection to my family, my reservation, my soul, my ancestors. I hope that I meet a man someday that loves me and respects my name and what it stands for and wouldn’t want to change me.